وَوَصَّيْنَا
الْإِنسَانَ
بِوَالِدَيْهِ
حَمَلَتْهُ
أُمُّهُ
وَهْنًا
عَلَى وَهْنٍ
وَفِصَالُهُ
فِي
عَامَيْنِ
أَنْ اشْكُرْ
لِي
وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ
إِلَيَّ
الْمَصِيرُ
وَإِنْ
جَاهَدَاكَ
عَلى أَنْ
تُشْرِكَ بِي
مَا لَيْسَ
لَكَ بِهِ
عِلْمٌ فَلَا
تُطِعْهُمَا
وَصَاحِبْهُمَا
فِي
الدُّنْيَا
مَعْرُوفًا
وَاتَّبِعْ
سَبِيلَ مَنْ
أَنَابَ
إِلَيَّ
ثُمَّ
إِلَيَّ
مَرْجِعُكُمْ
فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ
بِمَا
كُنتُمْ
تَعْمَلُونَ (31: 14-15).
We enjoined man to show kindness to his parents,
for with much pain his mother bears him and he is not weaned before he
is two years of age. We said: ‘Give thanks to Me and to your parents. To
Me shall all things return. But if they press you to serve besides Me that
of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Remain kind to them in
this world, and turn to Me with all devotion. To Me you shall all return,
and I will declare to you everything you have done’. (31:14-15)
All divine scriptures instruct man to
show kindness to the parents. Various verses of the Qur’an also
direct the believers to be well behaved to the parents1.
The above quoted verses however specifically determine the limits of good
behaviour with the parents. The details of this directive as stated in
these verses are:
1. It is the parents who bring into
existence a new life and become the means to nourish it. No doubt, the
care and affection of the father is quite a lot, however the hardships
a mother encounters in bringing up the child starting from her pregnancy,
to childbirth and then breast feeding the child are unmatched and no child
can repay her for this great service. On these very grounds, the Prophet
(sws) has regarded the right of the mother as three times that of the father.2
Consequently, the Almighty exhorts man to be the most grateful to his parents
after his Lord. This gratitude must not be expressed merely by the tongue.
It should manifest into good behaviour towards them. He should respect
them and never become fed up of them. He must not utter a single word of
disrespect to them. Instead, he should be soft, sympathetic, loving and
obedient to them. He should listen to them and be caring and affectionate
to them in the tenderness of old age. The Qur’an says:
وَقَضَى
رَبُّكَ
أَلَّا
تَعْبُدُوا
إِلَّا
إِيَّاهُ
وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ
إِحْسَانًا
إِمَّا
يَبْلُغَنَّ
عِنْدَكَ
الْكِبَرَ
أَحَدُهُمَا
أَوْ
كِلَاهُمَا
فَلَا تَقُلْ
لَهُمَا
أُفٍّ وَلَا
تَنْهَرْهُمَا
وَقُلْ
لَهُمَا
قَوْلًا
كَرِيمًا
وَاخْفِضْ
لَهُمَا
جَنَاحَ
الذُّلِّ
مِنْ
الرَّحْمَةِ
وَقُلْ
رَّبِّ
ارْحَمْهُمَا
كَمَا
رَبَّيَانِي
صَغِيرًا
رَبُّكُمْ
أَعْلَمُ
بِمَا فِي
نُفُوسِكُمْ
إِنْ
تَكُونُوا
صَالِحِينَ
فَإِنَّهُ
كَانَ
لِلْأَوَّابِينَ
غَفُورًا (17:
23-25).
Your Lord has enjoined you to worship none but
Him, and to show kindness to your parents, If either or both of them attain
old age in your dwelling, show them no sign of impatience, nor rebuke them;
but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
say: ‘Lord, be merciful to them. They nursed me when I was an infant’.
Your Lord best knows what is in your hearts. If you remain obedient, He
will forgive those that turn to Him. (17:23-25)
Ibn Mas‘ud (rta) narrates that
he asked the Prophet (sws): ‘Which deed does God like the most’. The Prophet
(sws) replied: ‘To say the prayer on time’. I inquired: ‘After that’. He
replied: ‘To be well-mannered with the parents’.3
Abu Hurayrah (rta) reports
from the Prophet (sws): ‘Humiliation to that person, humiliation to that
person, humiliation to that person’. ‘For whom’, asked the people. He replied:
‘Whose parents or any one of them reached old age in his presence and he
in spite of that could not enter Paradise.4
‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar (rta) says
that once a person asked the Prophet (sws) to participate in Jihad.
At this the Prophet (sws) inquired: ‘Are your parents alive?’. The person
replied in the affirmative. The Prophet (sws) then remarked: ‘Keep serving
them. This is Jihad.5
Abu Sa‘id Khudri (rta) says
that a person from the people of Yemen migrated and came to the Prophet
(sws) in order to participate in Jihad. The Prophet (sws) asked:
‘Do you have any relative in Yemen?’ He replied that he had his parents
there. The Prophet (sws) remarked: ‘Did you ask their permission?’ He said:
‘No’. The Prophet (sws) then said: ‘Go back and seek their permission and
if they grant permission then only should you take part in Jihad,
other wise keep serving them’.6
Mu‘awiyyah narrated from his
father Jahimah that he came to the Prophet (sws) and said: ‘O Messenger
of God! I would like to participate in Jihad and have come to consult you
[regarding this]’. The Prophet asked: ‘Is your mother alive?’ He said:
‘Yes’. At this the Prophet said: ‘Stay with her and serve her because Paradise
is beneath her feet’.7
‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar (rta) narrates
from the Prophet (sws): ‘The pleasure of the Almighty resides in the pleasure
of the father and the wrath of the Almighty resides in the wrath of the
Almighty.8
Abu Darda (rta) says that he
heard the Prophet (sws) saying that the best door to Paradise is the father;
so, if you want you can waste him and if you want you can protect him.9
‘Umar Ibn Shu‘ayb narrates
from his mother who narrates from her grandfather that once a person came
to the Prophet (sws) and said: ‘I have some wealth and I also have children
but my father needs this wealth’. The Prophet (sws) replied: ‘Both you
and your wealth belong to your father’.10
2. In spite of the status that Islam
confers upon parents they do not have the right to force their children
to baselessly associate someone with the Almighty. The Prophet (sws) has
said that showing disobedience to parents is the greatest sin after polytheism11;
however the above quoted verses of Surah Luqman say that the children
should openly disobey their parents with regard to polytheism and should
follow the way of those who follow God. Any calls to evade the Almighty
must not receive any positive response even if it is parents giving the
call. On these very grounds, the Prophet (sws) is reported to have said:
‘No one can be obeyed if he calls to disobey the Almighty; one can only
obey what is good’, (Bukhari, No: 7257).
Consequently, all other directives
of the Almighty shall also be considered subservient to this directive,
and one cannot disobey these directives if the parents ask them to do so.
3. Even if the parents force their
children to commit a sin as heinous as polytheism they must always be treated
in a befitting manner. Their needs should be met as far as possible and
a prayer of guidance be continued to be made for them. This is what the
words ‘وَصَاحِبْهُمَا
فِي
الدُّنْيَا
مَعْرُوفًا’ (Remain kind to them in this world) of the verse quoted
above entail. The children may have a right to disobey their parents if
they insist upon disobedience to the directives of religion but they must
still not be slack or indifferent, in any way, to their duty towards their
parents.
The last part of the verses ‘ثُمَّ
إِلَيَّ
مَرْجِعُكُمْ
فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ
بِمَا
كُنتُمْ
تَعْمَلُونَ’ caution a person that one day he has to return to the Almighty to give
account of his deeds. While commenting upon this part of the verse, Imam
Amin Ahsan Islahi writes:
This part of the verse addresses both the parents
and the children and carries both a warning and an assurance. One day,
each person will have to return to the Almighty. Whatever he would have
done would be brought before him. If some parents had violated the rights
given to them regarding their children by making them deviate from the
path of the Almighty, they will have to face punishment for this attitude
and if children duly recognized the rights of the Almighty together with
those of their parents, as well as remaining steadfast in following the
obligations these rights entail, they will be rewarded for their perseverance.12
(Translated by Shehzad Saleem)
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