Question:
What option does Islam give to a man and a woman who intend to marry
one another against the wishes of their parents?
Answer:
Before the question is answered a basic guideline provided by Islam in
social affairs must be clearly understood: Islam regards the institution
of family as the basic unit of a society and stresses that it is the need
of every individual if his life is viewed as a whole. Man is basically
a weak and an insecure being. He has spiritual as well as material needs.
If he needs to develop a strong relationship with the Almighty to fulfil
his spiritual needs, he needs to develop a strong relationship with his
fellow human beings to meet his material needs, which may be physical,
emotional and psychological. His family and clan fulfil these needs. Couples
who live in isolation are deprived of this support. Consequently, Islam
regards the consent of the parents, who are the foremost guardians, as
something extremely important in a marriage. It is in the interest of the
couple to be part of a larger family. In this regard, if on the one hand
the children must respect the wishes of their parents, on the other hand
the parents have no right to impose their wishes over the children. A difference
of opinion in this regard should be settled with magnanimity and accommodation
on the part of the parents unless of course they have some sound grounds
in opposing such a marriage.
If a situation
arises in which the man and woman who intend to marry reach the conclusion
that either or both the parents are opposing their marriage on baseless
grounds and all efforts to resolve the conflict have ended in vain, they
have the option to take their case to the courts of justice and apply for
the guardianship of the state. If the court is satisfied with their stance,
it will grant them this guardianship after which they can marry. In this
case, the protection and support needed for such a marriage shall be provided
by the state, which, of course, is not an exact replacement of the one
provided by the family set up of parents and other relatives. The man and
woman must realise that this is the cost they would be paying in such a
union.
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