We broach upon an issue so queer simply because many fail to
grasp its import in the present time, and because only a small percentage of
the population must deal with it. Quite frankly, in places where there is
not enough education and medicine, psychological counselling amounts to fine
luxury.
The clergy, who seldom have a comprehension of the pain their
client undergoes, usually deals with the taboo, that is: same gender
attraction. Despite their claims to science and modernity, they conduct
themselves like self-righteous souls who claim to have a solution to every
matter at hand. It’s quite simple, read the Qur’an, say your prayers, stay
away from evil influences, join a gym, and associate with other pious beards.
This ‘cure-all’ approach is supposed to heal the person, who is made to feel
as one filled with disease and perversion.
While the mention of the Qur’an and prayers sounds promising,
it is neither the cure and nor is it even sufficient in absence of a strong
motivation on part of the client. To strengthen the argument that people
well versed in scriptures indulge in some of the most heinous of crimes, the
following is brought to lime light, which usually is considered ‘hush hush’
in repressed societies as ours.
Mawlvis
Pressurizing Family to withdraw Molestation Case
Lahore: Religious groups are pressing the family of a
six-year-old boy, who was allegedly sexually abused by his Qur’an teacher,
not to pursue a case against him.
If the above the case is to be dismissed as an exception, a
thorough study on religious seminaries does merit our serious consideration.
Participants said that students, as young as 7-8 years were
lured into sexual activities by senior students and teachers… The offenders,
teachers and senior students, are normally 17 years or above. … The forms of
abuse range from molestation to sodomy and often, senior students are
suspended on charges of abuse but are usually re-instated on someone’s
recommendation or through a donation to the institution.
This then is one uncomfortable contradiction in that the
perfect sculpture is found fraught with imperfections, whereas unexpectedly
one finds the lotus to bloom in a mud pool. The only explanation one can
posit is that when it comes to faith, even the otherwise well-educated
clerics have confined themselves to a mental strait jacket in a parrot
fashion.
Long gone are the yearnings of the grand luminaries who would
approach the holy text through their experiences in life and through the
various arts and sciences. It is when this creativity is blunted that
mediocrity partakes of all that even the most educated of clerics have to
offer and hence despite their best intentions, they end up bringing nothing
more than nuisances for the modern mind.
It is with the above criticism in mind, with the
acknowledgement that clerics have not much to offer especially in a subject
as imminent and convoluted as same gender attraction, that an alternative
approach to the issue is formulated. It is not expected that this article
will deliver ‘the word’ on this subject; it will nonetheless attempt to
critique the follies in the existing approach. Our approach will assume the
format of addressing a series of the most pressing of questions.
Question I:
Is same gender attraction a choice, or alternatively, is it a natural
phenomenon?
Beards:
Such a perversion is a by-product of a lewd society. He who is afflicted
with this disease is the one to be blamed. In some cases abuse at an early
age could be the misleading factor but even then we blame the child for his
complicity. End of discussion!
Alternative:
There is an ongoing and raging
controversy on the nature versus nurture debate as it pertains to same
gender attraction. However, given the fact that the Almighty has created
wondrous varieties – of various colours and hues, of different temperaments
and propensities, and given the fact that through recorded history a certain
percentage of the population has always been of such an orientation, even in
the most conservative of societies and also in the stark absence of early
abuse, I am quite willing to accept and support the nature part of the
debate.
On a more human level, one may read the accounts of those who
live with such an orientation, each day of their life. For how can one pass
judgements without even knowing what it means to experience same gender
attraction. The following might very well be representative of the words of
thousands of hidden souls, walking in the shadows.
A Pained Soul:
When I was 13, I experienced same gender attraction. I was horrified,
depressed and confused. I know that homosexual acts are strictly forbidden
in Islam but was it my choice? I have been burning in the agony of
depression since then. Same sex attraction is too difficult for me to
control and hide.
A Shadow:
I
assure you I am only presenting the story because I truly need advice. I
think many Muslims will find the frankness of this letter offensive, so if
you do not wish to post it on your site, please feel free. I am a gay
Muslim. I have been gay since at least the age of seven, and this was no
choice of my own.
The gentle readers may also want to consider a case of two
brothers, both below the tender age of ten. Being nurtured in the same
environment, one conducts his affairs like a normal boy of his age, whereas
the other ends up playing with dolls, female clothing and the like.
Connecting this case with the finding that 75 % of effeminate boys grow up
to become homosexuals, some level of clarity can be reached. Nonetheless,
the readers are encouraged to make up their own minds.
Question II:
Regardless of the nature versus nurture debate, can such a condition be
cured?
Beards:
Obviously! First and foremost consider such a phenomenon as a disease and a
perversion. Read the Qur’an, say your prayers, mingle with beards, steer
clear from evil influences, join a gym, and get married. Ah! Condition
yourself by thinking of sex with a beautiful woman. And if that does not
work we will bring in electrocution. So there you go.
Alternative:
The latter remedies sound too colourful to be coming from
holy and innocent souls. Unfortunately, for all their piety, scientific work
has denounced both forms of outrageous and medieval practices. While, the
promising suggestions merit consideration, yet, a qualification has already
been presented in the aforementioned passages of this article.
One must try to understand that many people, who experience
such an attraction, can possibly stand on a higher moral plane than
thousands of otherwise normal people. As an instance, consider whether the
following words emanate from sexual beasts or from people genuinely
struggling in the path of Light?
A Pained Soul:
Unfortunately, I am still living, I am at the cross roads, and for the past
ten years I have been burning in a fire of my miseries, my identity. I am
constantly in a conflict. I die daily.
A Shadow:
I believe strongly in God and that there is no higher calling
than to serve Him, I have chosen to refrain from acting on my homosexual
desires since such acts are against the likings of our Lord.
Despite our innate guidance, which might provoke abhorrence
toward the act of sodomy, how can one make those experiencing same gender
attraction feel as if they were diseased or perverted. How can one have the
heart or conscience to award them the same rank as those who revel in their
base deportment? Nay! Categorizing an otherwise intelligent and well-meaning
person as diseased and perverted can be quite demeaning and demoralizing.
It is disillusioning simply because, even if the environs or conditions like
child abuse were to be blamed, the brutal truth is that some things cannot
be helped or changed. One may want to contemplate on the following:
How
do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your
heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things
that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold.
Perhaps through sheer perseverance and dedication one may
reach any goal, but the costs can be quite overwhelming. It might be
relatively easy to deal with external stimuli through steering clear of
certain environs, but how does one tame an unadulterated feeling that arises
from within? The phenomena of ex-ex gays and the fact that some even after
years of marriage have been unable to recover must mean something.
To spend all of one’s reserves suffocating and flagellating
the self at all times for something beyond one’s control; to incessantly
work so that one might live a normal life in a proper family unit – Perhaps
it is possible, but at what cost? Is every moment of life to be spent in the
rare chance that one may correct oneself for marriage? Was man sent down for
the goal of marriage or for the higher purpose of conducting with patience
and gratitude in the worship of the One True God?
To reinforce the futility of the beard approach, one must
understand that despite stereotypical notions, many homosexuals attend the
gym regularly and several follow the rituals religiously. The following
might be that representation. Once again, the readers are encouraged to make
up their own mind, bereft of any prejudices fuelled by passionate clerics.
A Shadow:
Through establishing a close relationship with God, I have
been able to suppress these desires to a great extent. They have not
vanished, but they have definitely diminished in intensity over the years,
by the grace of God. However, I still have problems. I hope to stay clear of
evil thoughts as far as possible and for as long as I am alive.
Question III:
What might be the alternative approach?
Alternative:
Graciously, we must listen and allow the clients to
chart their own paths. The solution must come from within for superimposed
solutions do not work, are easily shrugged off, or perhaps owing to
conflict, worsen the situation even to the point of suicide. Let us then
revisit and extract solutions from the very words of the two souls that
called for help.
A Shadow:
The topic I am about
to discuss is taboo in Muslim circles. My parents are not terribly devout
Muslims, but they are conservative enough to condemn anything related to
homosexuality. If they found out I was gay, they would probably go insane
and disown me or at the very least posit that I consciously opted to be the
way I am, which is not at all true, and would probably proceed to get me to
somehow become straight.
Another issue is my sexual future. I have suppressed my
homosexual urges, but they are not absent and I am by no means straight. I
am therefore considering a life of celibacy, but this, again, is something
of which my parents would not approve. Or should I demand a heavy request
from God, that He turn me into a straight man before I get married, if I
live that long?
A Pained Soul:
I had a relationship with another boy. I still feel guilty about that. What
is the solution, death, or acceptance?
The stark truth is that Islam has severely condemned sodomy.
The various Qur’anic verses, the teachings of the Prophet (sws) and the
opinions of the grand jurists cannot be clearer. The law cannot be changed
for then we would be charged with the same heinous crime as those nations
before us that defied the Divine mandate. However, another area contains
enough scope for change. It is that of social prejudices, of family
pressures, of categorical statements and of nothing but homophobia.
If we keep dealing with the issue as taboo, as non-existent,
as an exclusive Western or 21st century phenomenon, or make the
client feel diseased or perverted, we will only end up steering many bright
and able youth away from the Light. Thus, the alternative approach has its
roots in understanding, in empathy, in tolerance, in acceptance and nothing
but love. Our resident expert has the following to add.
Adnan Zulfiqar:
We must understand that this life is created as a test for us
all. We are going to go through many tribulations, there will even be some
suffering, but it is the way God measures the power of our character and
strength of our faith. We are all going to make mistakes and even going to
sin. None of us is immune from this. This is why the Almighty constantly
reminds us of His never-ending mercy.
All we have to do is to work towards being better Muslims and
better people, and that each time we sin, we turn to Him for forgiveness.
Each time we turn to God we reaffirm and renew our bond with Him, our
dependence and our faith in Him. Some of us might experience more
difficulties than others, but we will also find equivalent relief.
The Islamic jurists of the past, including the great Abu
Hanifah and Imam Shafi‘i, have indicated that experiencing
same gender attraction and being a Muslim are not necessarily mutually
exclusive. However, one cannot act upon homosexual desires by committing
sodomy with another man. Sodomy is forbidden to all Muslims, whether with a
man or with a woman.
Sometimes, whether we are homosexual or heterosexual, the
people we surround ourselves with only enhance our most base, animalistic
desires and we need to find ways to escape that. Most scientists agree that
everyone has desires towards their own gender at an early age, but this is
due to factors unrelated to sexuality. However, even if same gender
attraction is no choice of an individual, it is simply something that one
must learn to control and channel in the proper way.
As for guilt about relationships with men, one must simply
seek forgiveness and recognize that God understands all. If one continues to
make mistakes, then one should continue with sincere repentance. There are
different ways to take one’s mind off desires through other passions in
life. One may want to fast more regularly to help curb these desires.
Engaging yourself in other passions – school, work, or hobbies is another
outlet. Finally masturbation, an activity devoid of any value good or bad
despite the clamouring of the clerics, can always calm desires and provide
relief.
These are not perfect
solutions; they may not provide the most complete peace of mind, but they
can surely assist in one’s struggles. We are all being tested here, we are
all committing mistakes, but what matters is that we turn to God whenever we
do. We must continue to ask for forgiveness, and realize that one’s presence
on this earth, even as a homosexual is far better than death through
suicide. To my brothers in pain all I would say is that, you are Allah's
magnificent creations, and like the rest of us, you too have flaws. And that
does not diminish your value in the least.
Beards:
Nonsense! Human rights organizations might rightly voice concern over human
values and freedom of choice. While, changing the code of conduct would be
against the law, threatening to kill, fuelling bigotry and inciting violence
also stand against Islamic principles. No individual, no matter how
self-righteous, has the right of excommunication in this case.
We urge the clerics, and the affected parents to deal with
such a sensitive issue with great care and concern. Let love and empathy
define your course of actions as opposed to prejudice and hatred. Understand
that human beings are special and beautiful creations of God. Each has his
flaws, none is perfect, and so how can us mere mortals discriminate on the
basis of irrational fear and hatred of what we fail to understand.
As for the many homosexuals who have abandoned their faith,
we can only pray. However, for those who wish to retain their Islamic
faith, we offer words of empathy and counsel to the best of our abilities.
We encourage those in pain, to posit creative solutions toward channelling
their feelings. As an instance, the following quote from the movie
‘Stigmata’ is presented.
Frankie:
First of all,
I can’t understand a man who’s never, you know...
Kiernan:
Never made love to a woman? Well this may come as a great surprise to you,
but, I wasn’t born a priest.
Frankie:
But you didn’t like it?
Kiernan:
What’s not to like?
Frankie:
But you don’t miss it?
Kiernan:
Of course I miss it. I mean I’m human.
I struggle with it. But I’ve made a choice. Basically, what I’ve done is
I’ve exchanged one set of complications for another...Life does not all
become sublime with sex. And as much as the clerics harp on it, the stark
truth is that even those who have indulged in pornography, as these days
most do, abandon it for pursuit of higher goals and achievements. Quite
simply, as one matures and the urges diminish, one begins to feel the
temporal nature of such an activity. Perhaps the more something is blown out
of proportion the more it may seem attractive.
Conclusion: Addressed to Pained
Brethren in Faith
Homosexuality might
very well be natural. The pain you go through is real, and so are the tears
that trickle in the quiet of the night. Mistakes you will make, and falter
you will, for quite burdensome is such a trial. Very few words are there for
comfort, but you cannot spend your life in guilt or shame and alternatively,
not in lewdness either. Says Gandalf:
You are soldiers of Gondor! No matter
what comes through that gate, you will stand your ground!
We call upon
you to abandon the shadows. What are you trying to hide? People will always
talk and make fun, but do you care a hoot? If you do then you shouldn’t, and
if you don’t then good for you and so you might want to let your closest
friends know if you feel they are enlightened enough to understand.
There is so much more to you than same gender attraction. It
is only a small part of who you are, then how can you let it engulf and
define you? Look at your abilities, your creativities, and your relations
with your family and friends, your love of music, movies, sports or anything
else for that matter. Your sensitivities, your dealings, your musings, your
words, your thoughts, et al., certainly would have other things to them than
just this. So let not one facet of yourself engulf you.
It is neither a virtue nor a vice to
experience these feelings. They are simply devoid of any value. There are
greater issues in life; you have so much to do and so much to be. It would
indeed be sad to waste your life struggling with yourself. Learn to be at
peace with yourself. Send this foul guilt of yours into the abyss, but at
the same time stand your moral ground. Arise, and claim your place under the
sun. Through your labours and dedication, through your focus and work,
through your sheer determination you have the potential to achieve
greatness, so make your life extraordinary.
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